Considering just how gross our so-called civil society is as a whole, it’s amazing that national lockdowns haven’t already become a regular occurrence in the United States. Or maybe this is just the beginning. It’s tough to say. But it’s almost as though nature is finally catching up to the arrogance of humanity, and it plans to keep pummeling it until there is nothing left but a wet spot and several million pairs of shoes. Like it’s difficult to imagine that all of our nasty habits, the unprotected sex, the nose picking and those rendezvouses we share with those people who don’t wash their hands after taking a dump hasn’t spawned some kind of savage uprising in “the ick” and laid us all to waste long before now. There’s no doubt about it. We are lucky to be alive.
That said, some of you sickos are still out there slobbering all over the same joint like a pack of wolves fighting over a mountain goat. It’s like the cannabis scene didn’t get the memo informing them that the days of the puff, puff, pass are gone forever.
I’m not sure how sharing a joint with others ever became a thing, to begin with. Call me old fashioned, but swapping spit with people that I haven’t seen naked at least once, well, that’s just not my jam. You know, maybe this stoned activity could have been tolerated to some degree, if not for the fact that there wasn’t always some Toxic Avenger-looking mofos fish-lipping the goddamned thing before passing it my way. There’s the Goth girl with a half-inch layer black lipstick and a mouthful of gum who won’t stop jabbering about existentialism and The Cure. Oh, yeah, and there’s that one dude with a massive cold sore that seems like it is trying to speak. “Join us, Mike, join us! Mmmmmwwwwahahahahahaha!” And then, of course, there’s the old hippy hacking up a lung on the couch, yet he swears he’s not contagious anymore. “I was sick as Hell about a week ago, mang – some real vile shit — but it’s all gone now, don’t worry.”
Published: April 08, 2020